Isn’t it weird how sometimes we want to do everything, and sometimes we want to do nothing at all?
Lately I’ve been feeling a big bout of inspiration, which is nice. I think it’s because I can’t write this story for the student newspaper yet. It’s my first time doing a story with interviews, you see, and I kind of want to wait until I’ve gotten all of the interviews done before I start writing. I feel like my reporting could be messed up if I don’t, and I don’t want to push any agenda, at least not too hard, until I’ve gotten all the facts.
So, my writing has decided to manifest itself elsewhere (see: me posting on here after a 2-week absence). And it’s not just here that my writing is starting to pop up. I got inspired to work on some scholarship essays, and those can be hard to have motivation for sometimes. I also decided that this year I wanted to give NaNoWriMo another go, and it seems like I could really do it. I’m excited to try it again, I’ve got an idea that I think I’ll actually be able to do this time.
I think my writing is born out of strong feelings. It’s why I prefer to write opinion pieces, or treat my Medium page as if it were a journal. For as much as I don’t like being truly vulnerable with people, I can get as vulnerable as I want on the page (for the most part, I mean if it’s a public story I’m not going to get too crazy now).
My writing seems to be born out of strong feelings, and I’m definitely feeling those now. Especially today, where for the majority of it I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious. My breaths were short, my heart was pumping, I felt like I could throw up, scream, and cry all at the same time. It was…not a good time. But I was also feeling major frustration and myself and everything else. All these were strong feelings, and lo and behold, my writing inspiration has jumped way up high.
It’s a curious thing, to see how personal writing is for me. I have to be in the mood to write. I have to have been in certain moods to write. I must be thinking and wanting certain things to write. These all seem like such specific conditions, but I meet them often enough. I can usually ride on the curtails of such motivation for a week, before I fall back into struggle.
Even when I do eventually lose motivation, I still want to push myself to write. It’s surprising, but people actually like my writing. Not on here obviously, no one reads it. But, for example, my first article for the paper. People emailed me about it. Apparently a real, actual journalist emailed the editor of my section about it. It’s weird to think that people like my writing. I know that it shouldn’t be, I mean ever since elementary school people have always had something good to say about it.
Maybe it’s because writing is so personal to me that I find it weird that people like it. I don’t like being vulnerable, and to have people comment on something that I was vulnerable in, even if it’s the highest of praise, it’s odd.
I know that all I’m basically saying is that I can’t take a compliment. But it’s just something I want to say. I suppose that I’ve now gone off-topic from my original title. Oh well, like I said before, no one is reading this anyway (yet).
